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Damn the Thorpedo

Marc Downe is not averse to tackling contemporary subjects, having once arm-wrestled a newsreader, a few years ago.

Lo and behold, in a highly paid interview with Sir Parko, the long-held non-admitted truth of the homosexuality of Australia’s most awarded and iconic swimmer, Ian ‘Thorpedo’ Thorpe, has been revealed. Sadly this isn’t the only revelation that this writer is aware of, as the only thing that has come to light is something we already know, that Ian is a brave and admirable Olympian.

His celebrity is due to his long hours in training and talent for gliding between the ripples of the pool, and good for him. He became a dripping wet rockstar and held immense power and invaluable influence in the palm of his oversized hands. He lapped up the praise with arms and limbs outstretched yet, unfortunately; he kept his palms facing down allowing that power and influence to fall to the floor. Australia is still a country where same-sex marriage is a political football, and the lives of those held inside its skin are still waiting for a needle to unseam the thread that imprisons them inside. Ian could have been that needle, or at least the eye. He finally picked up the ball, but he dropped it years ago.

Celebrities have every right to their privacy and can pick whatever cause they wish to fight for, just like us commoners, but with their inhuman wealth and glory comes inhuman rights and responsibility. Gay athletes are now a thing of ‘meh’ but Ian could have been a pioneering ‘meh’, and possibly changed the face of equality and love in this country. I am sorry to say he is no hero of society, only sports. A hero does not rise to the top of a mountain by forgetting the trials and tribulations left in their wake, they breathe in the air of righteous and face those issues as they head back down. He has finally come down from that mountain, I only hope he takes a big gulp of air before he starts his descent because what he has left in his wake is a pool with no shallow end, just a deep one.

What do you think? Comment below and share away. Bluto image sourced from here.


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Much more than just a hairdo, he is hip and groin. He was one of the founding members of the now defunct ChristianFondle.com, and believes that disco music was made to make you dance. He once wore a pair of shoes, and nothing will stop him from breathing but sweet, sweet death.

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