5 tips for dating invisible people

Woman Dates Invisible Man

A great way to get back into the “dating game” is to date someone who is invisible. I interviewed a Canadian relationship counsellor about the pro’s and con’s of this unique experience – and she generously offered five great tips for dealing with the crazy thrill of having an exciting new lack of personality in your life!

1. Do not be focused on sex.

This relationship, is mental.

2. Avoid using ‘comic’ Kevin Bacon references to undermine your invisible partner’s self-esteem.

If you do need to comment on your partner’s existence, they will be way more impressed by your quoting of H G Wells 1897 novel The Invisible Man. Also, never assume that being transparent equates to being shallow – or to any other physical dimensions for that matter.

Kevin Bacon before appearing in his latest... roll.
Kevin Bacon before appearing in his latest… roll.

 

3. Learn to not take offense regarding anything that happens to you, ever.

Often your relationship will attract numerous strange looks from mean people, regardless of if they learn of your fetish for trash bags and canaries. Remember –¬†Ignore mean people!¬†Everyone else in the world is mean, and you can get on just fine without them, screw their discriminatory ways. One thing to not forget is that your invisible future spouse will rarely if ever eat any food you cook for them – do not take offense as this is not a slight on your cooking skills, I personally guarantee it.

 

4. Invisible people can be uncommunicative, un-emotional, and act disinterested. Hallelujah!

Just because your partner is not ‘keeping it real’, do not take it for granted that they’re not present at all times. You can both enjoy your independence! Revel in the most agreeable and smooth relationship that you’ve ever had while forgoing the need to ever exchange the views or opinions that in 99% of modern relationships, end in tears.

Picture of Pope Benedict
Ex pope-a-tron Bennyface, not ex-communicated, yet very un-communicative and not actually there.

5. Never try to reveal your invisible partner by catching them unawares with pranks

Even the most elaborate of hatched plans may not help you to reveal the invisible persons identity, physical form or their preferred condiments. Your disappointment will only mock your own dignity. Instead, focus on the happiness your unique relationship brings you as you get to spend more time with your precious in a dark little cave, hidden in some hills, somewhere in Scotland ; out of reach of mobile phone signals, and of civilized sanitation.

This is Trevor Borough Council, signing off with a cream cake. If you have ever had a relationship with unique challenges – for example, one where you might be existential and your partner was metaphysical – tell us in the comments below.

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