This news just in.
We are sad to report that this years Wimbledon – The Lawn Tennis Championship…or The Championship…or the Premier Event…or The Grand Slam…or The Big One…or Her Majesty’s Tournament…or The One that Counts…or The One…or The One that Everyone Wants to Win…or The Tournament…or The Tournament of Kings…or At the Home of Tennis… The One That’s Played on Grass…or The Only one that Really Counts… or THE Grand Slam…or The One that’s not played Somewhere Else…or The SW19…or The Grass Court Championship…or The All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club Championship…or Roger’s Trophy…or The Championships, Wimbledon – has been cancelled.
Unfortunately this happened due to an English person losing patience with a copywriter who was trying to come up with the definitive description for the tournament – a tournament which is superior in every respect, to any other tournament that you might like. The person is claimed to have said and we quote for emphasis:
This resulted in a cup of tea being dropped, and an old gentleman affectionately called The Colonel spraying a mouthful Robinson’s Lemon Barley Water over Sir Cliff Richard, causing him to stare transfixed at everyone with wet spectacles, for some period of time.