Fergus Gomez Dog (speaks)

Fergus Gomez Dog

You assume correctly that dogs cannot communicate. Me? I don’t mind what you assume and whether you agree; I am going with consensus and I don’t have time to argue with you.

Fergus Gomez Dog.

Ok listen. History proves that dogs do not communicate.  Lassie, K9, Marley, Hooch (from Turner and Hooch), Beethoven, Benji, The Littlest Hobo, Freeway (from Hart to Hart), Eddie (from Frasier) were all dogs that could communicate….but sorry to break your heart…they were played by  actors. Some of them great friends of mine, but actors none the less. I don’t have time for this.

Fergus Gomez Dog.

Scooby-Doo, Scrappy-Doo,Pluto, Snoopy, Brian, Goofy… listen they’re just animated dogs ok? Not even real, they were voiced by actors. Some of them great friends of mine, but actors none the less. Wordsworth from Jamie and the Magic Torch? Actor. I don’t have time to argue with you.

Fergus Gomez Dog.

The 25 Most Famous Dogs – but I didn’t write that either.

Listen. If had time to argue with you I’d be doing it by now. I am focusing on a treat. It’s in a hand, the guy holding the treat is playing some game about whether or not I get the treat. I’ll get the treat. Everyone standing in the circle of people standing around the person with the treat standing next to the dog knows that I’ll get the treat. The treat is the order of things. I don’t have time for this.

Fergus Gomez Dog.

You do not treat the argumentative, the disobedient or the ugly. Ask them. They don’t get treated much if at all – except by their parents – and even then they have to move out of home eventually. I don’t have time to argue with you.

“Speak. Go on. Speak. Speak.”

Oh for fucks sake! You want me to do something that I cannot do for the treat – to ‘speak’, for the treat? You do realize that goes against your own correct assumption? I don’t have time for this.

“So yeah. Free Daily Sameness, I’d be happy to comb daily through Internet culture to find the best bits for the guys in the office.”

Is that what you wanted? I really don’t have time for this. Just gimme the treat.

The labrador spoke? The fucking labrador. I’m telling the union. He’s a scab.

I’d tell the union…if I had time.

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Fergus Gomez Dog is a real dog. Fergus Gomez Dog is also metaphyiscal manifestation of internet, social media, search and feed algorithims which we adjust every few days based on choices he makes, continually creating random twists. We bring you footage, details on the algorithim and the results.


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