Object News – a glovebox opens up

Dog’s cannot communicate I am sure you know, but you also know inanimate objects are some of the chattiest buggers imaginable. You wouldn’t believe your ears.

I think it’s important that as voice of the voiceless, that I bring you insights into the world of real and existential objects – whether they remain objects if they are existential I’ll leave to people who like the truth. When it comes to chatty objects, those objects that open physically tend to be very open emotionally. Next time you close that jam jar, think about its feelings before you screw it.

Sitting in the car of a typical man with all his faults the other day, a glovebox spilled its guts – and told me its deepest insecurity.

Picture of Open Glove Box
Lonely glovebox bemoans usage.

Nothing makes you question your self-worth more than it being assumed that you’re not fit for the task that your specifically designed to do. This typical man with all his faults feeding this glovebox tissues only makes the situation worse; each time the glovebox opens a little light comes on as it eagerly anticipates a nice set of broken in leather gloves – and instead it gets tic tacs. The typical man with all his faults will ignore you until it needs something; one day the police pull you over and then all of a sudden it’s all about what should be in the glovebox – and the Tic Tac’s are gone. Breath into that tube, typical man with all your faults.

Next week’s exclusive we ask the ‘elephant in the room’ about a family mans relationship with a female cousin.

Thank you for your time, Fergus Gomez Dog.

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Fergus Gomez Dog is a real dog. Fergus Gomez Dog is also metaphyiscal manifestation of internet, social media, search and feed algorithims which we adjust every few days based on choices he makes, continually creating random twists. We bring you footage, details on the algorithim and the results.

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