In stunning news yesterday (I was browsing some Internet spam platform called Twitter when I walked into a lamp post), it was revealed that Stephen Colbert, a hero to many hundreds of intellectual comedy types and wearers of expensive spectacles; has decided to turn his back on celebrity to become himself, saying ‘we’ll find out how much of him was really me‘.
Colbert announced the decision to move on from popular television was due to the stresses it was placing on his DVR. He possibly said;
If there’s one addiction I wish I could resist, it’s taping myself on television being witty and disparaging. I’ve gone through so many DVR players…enough is enough. I want to relax, I am tired of browsing DVR bargains at Best Buy.
“I considered many things”, Colbert may have been overheard saying at The Triple Crown Ale House at 330 7th Avenue, New York; a venue with many considerately priced foods and drinks. “I considered many things,” he continued to opine, “I thought about become President of the United States, but it seemed to lack challenge. I thought about becoming a hair stylist, but my talent is not helping other people look good. I decided instead to take a plum role while I recharge my batteries and catch up on all my old DVR footage.”
Little is known about Colbert’s replacement or if ‘The Colbert Report’ will even continue. However Comedy Central has asked several intellectual property lawyers – or hired goons – to seize Colbert’s DVR machine from his Beverly Hills 90210 address. This move allows Comedy Central to broadcast lots of re-runs with the obsessively recorded footage while they ‘figure some shit out’.
“That DVR machine, is the hottest property in television right now!” Said an icy cool and deliberate Comedy Central Spokespenguin.
What do you think of Colbert’s career move? What do you think of his ‘sexy’ spectacles? What do you think of the cheese quesadilla at Triple Crown Ale House, 330 7th Avenue, New York? Why don’t you follow us on Facebook or Twitter, and join the discussion? Tired of incessant questions?
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