Thousands upon thousands, or at least five New York leisure commuters, were today left confused by the guerrilla marketing activities of a suspect employee who disrupted the South 4th Street ShitiBike service by placing “CitiBike” stickers on top of all of the street’s ‘bike for hire’ pay stations. A person interviewed trying to hire at a ShitiBike stand in Williamsburg, requesting anonymity, was up in arms over the confusion. His name was Dr. Zizmor.
“Yes, I am stumped,” said Dr. Jonathan Zizmor. “I wanted to hire a ShitiBike today… but there’s now a CitiBike facility here instead. I was hoping to get a little exercise, tighten my skin without surgery… Now I guess I’ll have to walk to the cheese shop. The anxiety is enough to make you breakout.”
Dr. Jonathan Zizmor lauded bike riding as something beneficial to the complexion but refused to comment on whether cheese agitates acne, or is in fact the miracle cure that everyone has been looking for. That would be one weird old trick indeed.
A call placed to Citibank immediately for their view on the incident put us in touch with a spokesperson who commented:
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“Dial 1 to proceed with this call in English. Dial 2, por español.”